I adore my inlaws. My husband's parents are wonderful, stepparents are pretty great too. He was raised by his Daddy and his grandparents, Nanny and Pop. When we come visit, we stay with them. It has the potential to be so full of awesome.
Nanny and Pop have another son, too. One who, at the age of 55, still lives a home. With his wife. And their two cats.
Without paying a dime.
...**crickets**
I know. I know, y'all. It's like... who does that? I know my religion says every life is precious... but P's favorite thing to say is that they are the biggest waste of oxygen. I so hope that my readers don't have people like that in their lives, but I know they're all around... it's just so draining.
But what do you do? It's one of my biggest struggles and biggest lessons in what it means to be a wife, to have tat extended family... As much as I love Nanny and Pop, it's just not my place to say anything. Right? Or, is it? Do you speak up when you care for someone's welfare and when you know they're being walked all over?
My temper is that of (insert animal of choice here) (I just asked P what he's say my temper is 'that of'... he shook his head and said "I wouldn't." Smart man.) I will stew and pout if I'm mistreated... but mess with a friend or family member and I will BLOW A FUSE, y'all. Seriously. It's a little intimidating, even to myself.
So when I see things happen in that house that just... they just aren't right. When they smoke inside (daily). When they run a car into the ground and decide it's their right to just start using Nanny's. When they pretend like they're there to help out... it makes me a little crazy on the inside. And my tongue starts to hurt from biting it so hard.
You see, Nanny doesn't want to upset Pop. And neither does P. So we're told to just let it be, that they're family and we're supposed to treat them with kindness no matter what... that they'd beall alone if they were told to leave.
**more crickets**
Yeah. My mind is SCREAMING "EXCUSE ME?? They've had their WHOLE LIVES to get it together, stand on their own two feet, and make something of themselves. But they can't keep a job, they enjoy shopping off of infomercials entirely too much, and think the world owes them a favor?"
But my mouth, it stays quiet. Because we've talked about this, P and I. About respect for our elders, respecting the wishes of the ones we love... and of just grabbing onto each others hands in those moments and digging our fingernails in so we know to just shuttheheckup. I guess that's a part of love.
Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts. ~Author Unknown
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Monday, August 9, 2010
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3 comments:
I have had that very conversation with my mother, who lets my brother freeload, and my sister and her kids move in and out freely, without paying a dime. And the conclusion I came to is that she enjoys the drama. So alththough P's uncle is taking advantage,it usually takes two parties to to allow that. So even though it would feel so good to say your piece, you would probably be wasting your time. Sorry!
The first comment is actually from Jill, not Paul. Sorry!
I have a feeling that for them, the pain of worry is greater than the pain of being taken for granted. We have a son who tried desperately to enter into this advantageous lifestyle. We refused to participate since (1) we have 6 kids and can't afford to support all 6 of them for life and (2) It's no service to him to allow him if we give him a fish rather than teaching him how to fish. Where will he be if he is still completely dependent on us when we leave this world? Nope, God willing, our children will be standing on their own feet when we leave this world.
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