Thursday, October 14, 2010

"Safe" blogging

There are lots of topics on my mind about wifehood.  However, not all of them are appropriate for daily conversations.  You know, the more... intimate subjects.

Not that I want to go into gory detail with you, readers, oh no.  But can I talk about them?  Can I talk, for example, about... other obligations to my husband?  You know, the ones outside of 'to honor and cherish'...
And the ones inside the privacy of our home.

Not that I feel any woman is obligated to do things of this nature for anyone... let me make that clear.  If it's unwanted by either party, of course, then that's that.  But I like to keep my guy happy.

But how much is too much, blog world?  I know my mom may read this, and other 'family'... but I want to be open and honest.  If I'm writing about what it means to be a wife, what aspects do I leave out? What aspects shall I be certain to include? 

How 'safe' should my blog be, readers?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Grey's Anatomy: A Shock(ing Revelation)

OK Y'all, I'm a huge, HUGE fan of Grey's Anatomy.  Seriously.  I hate when I have to miss an episode.  Thank God for Hulu, amiright?

Those of you who watch it know that Mark Sloan, while gorgeous... well, he isn't exactly what I'd call 'bright' or 'all there' in the relationships department.  But a couple weeks ago, he really got to me.  I think he's changing, you guys.  I call first dibs.


In all seriousness, though, he said something that really made me think, "These Hollywood writers get what marriage is supposed to be!!"  Because usually, I don't get that.  I see sex and cheating and fights and back and forth and... well, you get the point.

But on this day, Mark had realized how much he loved Lexi (or "Little") Gray.  They've been through some tough times, y'all, and she went crazy after a murderous shooter killed several staff members and threatened her life.  But Sloan, you see, all he wants is to be with her, think and thin.  He says:
"I know who she is.  And if she's going through her worst right now, I want to go through it with her.  She makes me happier than... anything I've ever known.  And if I can have a part in making her happy again, that's all I want to do.  That's all I want to do for the rest of my life."

This reminds me of what my last couple years have been like.  You see, I suffered from some NASTY post partum depression.  In many ways, I'm still suffering from it.  I'll write more about that later this week and into next.

But my sweet, strong husband carried me through it.  He could have bailed... he could have left me to dig my way out of it.  But he said he wouldn't, and he didn't.  He was there through all the different medications I had to try, he was there when I couldn't crawl out of bed.  He came home early on days I needed him (which was every day...), and ultimately lost his job because he put his family first.

I'll never, ever, be able to thank him enough or repay him for all those things.

And I think to myself, I wonder, if I would do those things.  Would I sacrifice to carry him?  Would I hold his hand when he cried, put all of my needs aside for however long it took for him to get 'back to normal'?  And even beyond, if he never went back?

I sure hope so.  Because isn't that what being a spouse is all about?

Monday, October 11, 2010

The white board (or, how to lower my stress levels!)

I was going to title this post White Power.  Then I realized how bad that would sound!

At any rate, this is my white board:


This is where we lay out our plan for happiness, essentially.  We get to set up our daily chore list... or, rather, what we need done in order to feel content and {relatively} stress free. As we get those things done, we get to check them off.  And how satisfying is that?!?  We also have a weekly and monthly to-do.  Things like  mopping, taking the garbage to the curb, and heartworm preventative.  On the bottom is a calendar portion- important appointments, parties, and other essential dates.  Right now, it's reminding us of our 'anniversary' (we met 4 yeas ago on the 30th!) and some Halloween parties we have coming up.  On the right side is our grocery list- if we think of something we need that isn't on our usual list, we jot it down.  And of course, a space for sweet notes to each other.

We went a long time without our white board in place.  And believe me, it showed.  Our house was pretty much a disaster 24/7, I was embarrassed to have people over without spending hours cleaning, and we were so stressed and overwhelmed all. the. time.  It was really beginning to take its toll.

So, I made a decision to get it back up.  It's not exactly laid out like our original was, but it's pretty close.  And it's all erasable, of course, so we can change things up as needed.  It's in an easily visible (for us! However, a typical guest would not see it!) spot, and reminds us daily of what needs to be done!

And the difference it's made in our lives- well... it's pretty visible:

What about you guys?  What's your preferred methodical madness to keeping your house in order?

Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy.  ~Author Unknown

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

A Loooong time.

I am so sorry, blog world.  It has been too long. I've missed you.

However, today is not the day I'll be writing extensively for you.  I just wanted to leave a quick note to let you know that I'm still around, still plan on writing, and I'll be here with some birthday updates, pictures, and more fun later this week, possibly tomorrow!

And maybe this will help keep me on a better writing schedule:
http://www.livinglocurto.com/2010/03/free-printable-weekly-blog-calendar/

See ya soon!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Well, I'm admitting it.

I'm starting the infertility process. 

P and I have wanted another baby for so long... I cringe to think of the emotions we've been through. But now, I'm finally taking steps to make it happen.

I had my first doctor's appointment this week.  I'm now supposed to get bloodwork done and have an ultrasound, then we we will probably get P tested.  I'm a little afraid of all this- of what we'll find, of the financial toll it will take on our family, of the entire process. But I want another baby.

Sometimes we find ourselves asking if this is really what we want.  If we want another, if we don't want to just go ahead and pursue adoption.  And sometimes, our answer is that we're unsure.  But I think it's because we're afraid of what's ahead.

The funny thing is, I always knew I'd have trouble getting pregnant.  And yet the girl was so easy.  It was like, no more birth control, and BAM! I was with child.  I've been told it's because birth control can force ovulation- and at first glance, that appears to be the issue, that I'm not ovulating.  So we're going to see what we can do about that.  

So now, I'm looking for advice. I know some of you have been through this.  How do you keep the faith strong?  How do you keep from tiring of it?  I don't know how far we'll have to go... I know if it comes down to IVF, we will choose to adopt instead.  I don't know, though, if it will simply take some progesterone, or Clomid, or something more intensive...

All I know is that I'm not looking forward to it.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Love Dare


I'm starting a new venture.
This is a wife blog, after all. And what does it mean to be a wife, if not striving to better your marriage?

I've {partially} done the Love Dare before.  That is to say, I've started it.  It's a wonderful, wonderful thing.
I'm not quite sure why I haven't finished it.  Probably because, like most things, I tend to forget what's important and don't make time for it. For reading it, studying the Word of it, implementing it.

Well, blog world, you're going to be my accountability partner.  I know that technically, since he reads this, I shouldn't be posting about it.  I should just do this and see how if affects our marriage.  But I want to write about it and share it with you lovely people.

So that's what I'm going to do.  From here on out, there will, at the very least, be a weekly post on how The Love Dare is affecting our lives and our marriage.  An insider's persepective!
If you are interested in following along, you can always search for The Love Dare, or click the button on the side of my blog to be taken to all posts appropriately tagged. 

And if you're just completely out of the loop and have never heard of this, well...
Essentially, it is a 40-day practice into learning about giving (and receiving!) unconditional love. 

Something I think we could all use a little help with.

Love is patient, love is kind.



It does not envy.


Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;


It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered.


It keeps no record of wrongdoing.


It does not delight in evil,


But rejoices in the truth.


It always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves.


There is nothing love cannot face;


There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance.


In a word, there are three things that last forever:


Faith, hope, and love;


But the greatest of them all is love.


-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Confessions, or secrets?



P and I have share something pretty special.  That something is communication.  I mean, open, honest communication (usually, at least!)  And by this, I mean, if we are upset by something, if we have something to say, we say it.

So when I see things like this, it breaks my heart. 

Now, some of these are adorable.  And I hope, hope, hope that they share these things with their husbands:

"Sometimes I am struck dumb by the fact that I got a fantastic mother-in-law as well as the amazing son she raised."
"for the husband of my heart; my one and only fish, my Boyo, whom I live with now: I love you so much. You are my friend, lover and soul mate; I feel safe (and very hot!) with you. I know you'll always be there for me. (This sounds so cliched) You have healed so much in my life. I am forever grateful. "

And then there are... others.  Others that simply astound me.  I am appalled by the fact that these women , rather than speaking with their husbands about their feelings, chose to let the entire world know via an anonymous email about shortcomings in their marriage.  About their angers and fears.

This, this right here, is why so many marriages fail.  People say it's money.  People say it's growing apart.  But really, that's not it at all.  Because both of those things fail to be an issue if there is effort in communication.  When two people make a choice to be lovingly open with each other, to share what is on their heart and mind, and to not be judgemental when their partner does the same, the results are life-changing.

I know many of you know what I am talking about.  Maybe you're of the group that has wonderful communication.  Maybe you've been in the place of the women who can't talk to their partners, or whose partners won't talk to them.  But that can change.

You see, we're not always open.  We don't go to each other right away with everything.  Fear keeps us from it.  But we've started down that slippery slope before, and it's not a good one.  The thing with going downhill quickly is you can see what's approaching.  Terrifying, right?

Relationships have brakes, folks.  They have a 'reverse', a 'steering wheel' (like all my driving metaphors? hah!) and you can get yourselves out of that rut- but not without effort.  You may have to give it a little push.

P and I like to have what we call 'pow-wows'.  They don't happen as often as we'd like, because life gets quite busy and sometimes things heat up before we get a chance to schedule one in- but this is where we carve time to have a 'how are we, what's bothering us' discussion.  We both go into it completely calm, with the goal being to talk about anything we've felt the urge to but have not, for one reason or another.  We try to be completely open, nonjudgmental, and gentle with each other. 

Well, we should be this anytime we talk about potentially dangerous issues, right?

Wrong. Oh so wrong.

I mean, sure, maybe we should.  But that is just not a realistic expectation, especially for us.  Our personalities and expectations are just too drastically different.  But guess what?  We make a choice to love each other, and because of that choice, a bit more effort has to be made.  So we make that effort.

We plan, we talk, we argue, we plan for better ways to handle future arguments (hah!), and even if they don't work out perfectly, the effort put in by both parties is visible.

So why, I wonder, do marriages lose communication?  What does one go through when they (either actively or passively) make a decision to shield their partners from any particular thing?  How can it get better?


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

So many things...

**Update** All is well.  Blood count is normal, lungs still sound clear, etc. etc.  So at this point, it seems to be something that maybe played piggyback to the stuff from last week.  Thank goodness she's OK.

Well, yet again, I've failed to blog.  I'm sorry, folks. 

Believe me, it's not that I don't want to.  But this pesky little life keeps getting in the way of things.

Last week, my daughter got sick.  We thought it was Croup, so we did the steamy bathroom thing, lots of fluid and rest.  Well, by Thursday, the cough was very wet sounding, so we decided to take her to the doctor.  We get her in there, and while her lungs sound clear, it appears she has another ear infection of some sort.  The ear drum itself looked great, but there was some sort of pus in there that, I suppose, appeared painful.  So we got some ear drops and antibiotics and were on our way.

Again, that was Thursday.  Sunday afternoon, after 3 doses of antibiotics, her fever spiked.  She had not had a fever until then.  Yet all of a sudden, she was on fire.  Like, 103.3 on fire.  Me being a little paranoid (and a hypochondriac myself) took her immediately to the emergency room, since the doctor was off duty and I was not about to risk anything.  By the time we got to the ER, all of 10 minutes later, her fever had gone to 103.8.  I was a little scared.

I've come to the conclusion that I hate emergency rooms.  Granted, this one was better than others- they let us call the shots on what was done to our daughter, but... we got no answers other than the good news that no pneumonia was present and there was no UTI- but a 'we think it's viral' and 'give her tylenol and motrin to help the fever'. 

Now, my daughter's been sick for over a week.  She's still feeling miserable, it's getting worse even, and I'm freaking out a little.  They said perhaps it was fifth disease... which can take a while to clear, I suppose.  At any rate, her pediatrician is bringing her in this morning for a blood draw.

All this to say, I've been busy with a sick little girl.  And I'm sorry, blog world, but that takes precedence over any posting that may or may not occur.

Also, please pray everything turns out ok.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Laundry lists

Do you ever look around at your life on a given day and feel so overwhelmed, you're not quite sure where to start?

That's me today. I guess it's time to get out my post it notes.

This might be what my table looks like today.  It's that bad.
That's right. I waste paper.

But really, if not for post-its, I would go insane.  I get overwhelmed easily . And when I feel overwhelmed, instead of getting everything done as I should I end up not doing anything.  And what kind of wife does that make me?  

"Oh, sorry hubby, you worked all day, but I'm just so done with it all.  You can clean up if you want, though."

...Yeah, no.  So, I go around my house.  I make a list of what needs to be done, all on one sheet.  Then I put each individual task onto a post it. I can then go on to arrange by priority, and stack them up so I only see one item at a time.  When I get done with that item, no matter how small the task is, the satisfaction of ripping off that post-it and throwing it away is...
encouraging.

It's so much easier for me to be productive this way.  And I get to feel really good about my accomplishments.  

Plus my trash can looks pretty! All those COLORS!


What about you?  What are some techniques you use to make things simpler? 


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Daily Dessert

Thinking of starting a new feature, based on this post.

It will feature a link-up, where we can all share what we did for ourselves that day.  Maybe it will encourage more of a balance!

What do you think?  Sound like a good idea?

More on selfishness


"The most difficult lie I have ever contended with is this: life is a story about me."
 Donald Miller (Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality)

I recently re-read this book.  It's one of my favorites.  In it, Miller writes about his realizations of what it is to be faithful (in his eyes) and Christ-like.  Now, I don't want this to turn into a blog about faith.  But, in my mind, being a good wife means being a Godly wife, so I take lots of life lessons from a spiritual aspect. 

I wrote about selfishness recently.  How as a wife and mom, you can't be selfish.  But seeing it put into these words was really a wake up call.

How many of us live life for ourselves?  Not intentionally, no, but we don't consider others' emotions or needs when making our decisions.  Despite having a being that is completely dependent on us- despite having a spouse who counts on us for any number of things, we tend to continue to live our lives in selfishness.

It doesn't even have to be in a large way.  I'll give you an example:
In our house, I take care of the grocery shopping.  I find the sales, I make the lists, I go out to all the different stores and get what we need.  But for so long, I wasn't even asking if there was anything P wanted.  Despite the fact that I know how much he loves tomatoes, I wouldn't buy them.  Because me?  I despise them.  He'll just salt one and eat it like an apple.

But why could I not buy them?  Why is it so difficult for me to get 1 small, inexpensive item that doesn't even take me out of my way (since I'm buying tons of produce anyway)?  There is no logical reasoning behind that.  I was being selfish, purely selfish. 

So I started buying them.  Not every time, of course, but I don't buy ANYTHING except milk every time.  But when he opens the door and sees those polished, juicy fruits (yes they're a fruit get it right!) staring him down, the happiness I witness is amazing.  It makes me wonder why I am not so giving all the time.

Why do you think that is?  Why are we naturally inclined to do things only for ourselves, rather than loving others as ourselves?  I'm always saying I want to be thought of... I should think of him, too, right?

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The end of a dream



When I moved to Austin in 2004, it was my dream to attend UT.  I practically bleed orange, my love for that school is so strong.  Everything about it, too.  The campus is amazing.  It's a highly prestigious university.  It's still my favorite place to be in Austin.  Everyone I've met that attends is incredibly smart, well-read, and passionate about what they do or want to do.  They're... driven.

And you have to be, don't you?  To gain acceptance to such an honorable school, to continue on, plugging away towards that ever-so-elusive degree...Now, that's not to say that all who enter leave having accomplished their goals.  It is, however, a HUGE goal to attain.

Lately, however, it's come to my attention that I may never make it to UT.  I haven't done a lot community-wise, although I'd love to.  My GPA isn't good enough; it's a darn good GPA, but not UT-good.  I don't even know that I could handle the pressure of those classes along with my marriage and being a mom.  It's a lot to handle, a lot of expectations.

Today I was speaking with a transfer advisor at the community college I attend.  I must admit I started to tear up when I realized my dream may never be achieved; but then I took a deep breath and got a quick slideshow in my head.  I saw my husband.  My girl.  Our life, and how filled with joy it is.  Do I need a degree from UT?  Or do I just need a degree?

I think we all know the answer to that.  A degree from TX State or St. Edwards is jut as rewarding.  I will have worked long and hard to get my degree from wherever I get it from- and I will have overcome obstacles to get there.  I will cry on that day, the day I walk across the stage to get my diploma, I will cry tears of joy. Of pride. Of knowing that I accomplished something significant.  No matter where it's from.


I'm still going to apply.  And throw my horns up every Saturday.


\m/ HOOK 'EM! \m/

Saturday, August 28, 2010

How about dessert?





The girl is napping.  P is napping.  The dogs are napping.  I had told myself that I would get some work done on the house while they napped, but I had an idea.

I'm going to have dessert first.

You're probably thinking, OK, have a flipping cookie, then. Fatso.  

However, I'm not talking about those calorie-ridden goodies, oh, no.  I'm talking those sweet stolen moments in life where we do something for ourselves.

As a wife, and especially as a mom, I don't get much of that.  It's very similar to Paul's becoming "All things to all men," (1Cor 9:22), this transition into wifedom.  My life, every choice I make, impacts my family.  So usually, my time is devoted to things that shape a better life: cleaning, playing, studying, balancing the checkbook, etc.  

Yet in going over daily stressors with my therapist, she informed me of this amazing, incredible, fantastic idea:

Have your dessert first.  She went on to explain that you have to redefine dessert.  There's no need for us to ever lose ourselves due to others' expectations, or our perceptions of what they expect.  The important people in our lives love us for every bit of ourselves.  This means they want us to continue being ourselves, right?  

So how do we hold on to ourselves?  How does one maintain sanity, truth, passion in their lives for things other than their family?  By redefining dessert.

For example, right now, I wanted to blog.  I wanted to share this revelation I've been given.  Sure, there are dishes in the sink, a floor to be vacuumed, boxes to be unpacked, man, I could make a list a mile long.  And yes, I want to do all of these things.  (I really do!  I love a clean house!)

Bu what really called to me was my big, comfy chair.  I wanted to put my feet up.  I wanted to write for you all.  And I wanted to read my favorite blogs, as well.  So that's what I'm doing.  Indulging.  I'll get up in a minute.

What about you?  What are some of your favorite 'desserts'?

Seize the moment.  Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.  ~Erma Bombeck

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

They call it 'Toobing'

Fun trips don't always end up...

as fun as you may have hoped.

Take, for example, our... challenging trip to the river a few weeks ago.  What should have been a nice, relaxing, gentle float downstream turned into a nightmare.

Of course, that's my view on it.  Me, who feels like the world is falling apart if a fly looks at her wrong (part of why I'm in therapy- breathing techniques WORK, people!).

Let's take a quick look at what happened:

We were bringing the girl, so we wanted to find a float for her.  Aunt T and I spent the preceding evening searching all around town for one, only to be informed that because in other parts of the country, fall is fast approaching, TEXAS store are no longer carrying swimming accessories.  I mean, really?  We find one on the way down to the river... air it up. and she would much rather just hang out in our tubes with us.  Great way to spend $20, if you ask me.

There's a rather quick chute at the beginning of this float.  We knew we wouldn't take the girl on it, but Unca Roo and Aunt T wanted to do it, of course.  Well, sometimes, this chute can drag you of your tube and under the water.  Unca Roo almost drowned early in our trip due to this.  Fun!

The only way to get past this chute was to get out just before it, and back in IMMEDATELY after.  So after climbing out... with 2 tubes, 2 coolers, and a baby in tow... we climb down back into the water. P went first, and took the girl into his lap, seeing as we were literally climbing in at the very bottom of the chute (where there was still rushing water!)  He, the girl, and a tube containing a cooler got sucked into the current and rushed away... The girl LOVED it.  She laughed and laughed as they swirled across the top of the waves.  P held on to her for dear life.  We lost our shoes.

Yeah. You read that right.  You see, we had all our shoes in a mesh bag that was tied to P's tube- and when that current hit him, it ripped that bag right off the rope.  3 pairs of shoes (Aunt T had water shoes on, smart girl!!) gone. Just like that.  And let me tell you, the sidewalk on the way to the bus when the float was done was HOT!

After the chute we were in for what we thought would be a great day... hanging out with good friends, relaxing, getting some fun in the sun.  What we forgot about was that there was yet another rough current ahead... that if you went one way, you were fine... but chancing the waterfall meant danger.

Ok, ok, *I* forgot that.  To be fair, however, I couldn't have gotten to easy mode if I had tried.  It was just too late.  I went over the falls... along with the attached cooler.  Consequently, I was flipped off my raft and swept downstream- I couldn't even get my footing, the current was that strong.  I was scared!  And, wouldn't you know it, there were  some kind (cough cough) teenagers at the base of the waterfall that held onto the tube for me- kept it right there, at the base of the falls.

Remember how I said I couldn't get my footing?  Yeah, I never really did.  Eventually the kids let the tube go- but not before opening the cooler and taking the beer, letting the girl's juice, wipes, and Aunt T's glasses float to goodness knows where.

That was a *really* expensive trip, don't you think?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Almost 2...

My baby girl is almost 2.  Which means..

I have been a mom for almost 2 years.  It's a hard journey, I'll tell you that.  I don't feel adequate in my job.  I don't ever, for one second, feel good enough to be her mom.  And then she does something like this:


and my world is rocked.  I realize something every. single. time. that I get a hug and/or kiss from her, or a random snuggle.  

I realize I must be doing something right.  

I don't know what I'm doing.  This girl is my first.  And, honestly, nearly two years into it, I still find myself being incredibly selfish sometimes.  Making decisions based on my wants or needs, rather than hers.  Doing something one way simply because it's easier, rather than taking the time to teach her a valuable lesson.  But I'm getting there.   It is, however, a true challenge to not lose myself in the process.

 Every hug I get reminds me that life has changed, and will continue to change.  I'm morphing into my role as a mother.  Every day, I improve, I learn to balance responsibilities, juggle schedules.  I discover things I didn't know about myself.  I find new confidence in my abilities.  

And I thank God for this blessing.  For not only creating this little life, but for creating in me a new person.  A new strength.  A new love.

23 months down, a lifetime more to go...

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh

Monday, August 23, 2010

Home.

You know what's awesome about being married? Always being able to come home.

I've had a week off from school, and that's meant lots of traveling. I need to get the hang of traveling and blogging at the same time, but when traveling alone with a toddler, my hands are kind of full, and we didn't have internet access on our beach trip.

We decided to take advantage of the last free weekend, and rented a beach house with some friends down in Rockport. Our first real, grown-up, vacation. It's a great feeling. Of course, this means along with the house, we have to either buy groceries to cook or go out to eat every day- and since it's a small town with not much, we opted for groceries. And let me tell you, we picked out some good stuff. There was a charcoal grill at the house, so we picked up a leg of lamb, some steaks, I roasted some chicken and potatoes... I also made some homemade orange rolls that our dear friend T said, “These taste evil. I think they have way too many calories for me to be eating this early in the day.” I smiled, because of course- what better time to cook (and eat) such scrumptiousness?

So we went grocery shopping Friday night, after we got here and got settled in a bit. Of course, our friends being who they are, I was not able to take a list (which I pretty much must have. Otherwise I am completely lost and sad!) which meant a few very important things were forgotten. So the following morning, I took a quick trip to the store. While in the store, P called wondering what to do about the biscuits in the oven. As the call was wrapping up, I said, “OK, I'll be home soon, love you!”

After that call, I was wondering why I said that. After all, we're not home. We are, in fact, roughly four hours from there, we don't have most of our traditional comforts, we aren't sleeping in our bed. What we do have here, though, is each other. Our daughter. Our love.

And it hit me- anywhere he is, I call home. Have you seen the movie “Where the Heart is?” A great quote from that movie states, “Home is where the heart is.” And I find it oh, so true. I am so blessed to have a home wherever I go. We could move anywhere (and we have!) and not know anyone... but he and our girl will always be there. That's what makes anyplace home. And I am so, so happy to have that.

Maya Angelou

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Vow Renewal Record!

P and I joke that we're going to beat the Guinness Record holders for how many times we renew our vows.  We've done it once already.  Last Valentine's I surprised him with a scavenger hunt and the good people of our church helped out with it ending in a very special ceremony- one in which I got to tell him how much I love him all over again.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "Forever His Bride' over my actual wedding dress- I'm such a sap.
It's no secret that marriage is hard work.  It's a choice EVERY DAY to say "I love you." When we wake every morning, it's a decision to go about our lives honoring our spouse, correct?  Sure, it might become second nature, but it's always a choice.  And in those harder moments, those choices aren't nearly as easy to make.

P and I have had our fair share of issues, but lately we've gone through a lot.  I won't go into detail here because it's not for the world's knowledge.  But suffice to say, those choices have been very difficult to make.  Either one of us could have walked away at any moment.  But did our vows say "Until we're tired of dealing with nonsense," or "Until I'm so mad I can't talk"?  No.  They said, "Until DEATH do us part."  

I think that vows are overdone.  They've become too... traditional.  Think of it this way- we see those same traditional vows done in movies, in books, in other peoples' weddings... that for many of us, we don't think twice about saying them in our own weddings.  It's just part of the ceremony, right?  WRONG!  These words, uttered to your new bride or groom in one of THE most intimate moments of your lives, these are PROMISES, people.  They are meant to be thought of daily.  They're meant to be pored over before a wedding ceremony, because you're supposed to mean them going in.  Not only that, you're supposed to live them.  Daily.  Constantly.

Again, is it easy?  Heck no.  Due to our issues, we've both been going to therapy.  Sorting out things individually, planning for marriage counseling once we understand a bit more about ourselves.  After all, we're young, we got married quickly, we're still learning.  We each had a session today.  

Tonight, at home, we were talking about how they went... and with tears in his eyes, my sweet husband looks to me and says, "I'm sick of all the blame in our marriage.  Sick of it."  (Yes, that last part was emphasized by him... it's been a long time since I've seen that fire in him.)

And I can't say I disagree.  How easy it is to place blame on another, or to feel blamed by another, especially your spouse.  How terribly easy.  But no one appreciates it.  All blame does is destroy.   It isn't something I really acknowledged was happening, however.  I didn't promise to never blame.  It's not like I set out for it each day.  But I should definitely pay attention to when it is likely to happen, and focus not on blame, but on trust and rebuilding.

(sidenote: I know that this post may seem like it's bouncing everywhere, but stick with me through one more point, and I'll give you one of the yucky cookies I made tonight!  )

I just wrapped up my summer semester.  In it, I took both of my required government courses.  Courses in which we learned about the US and Texas Constitutions.  About expressed powers vs. implied powers.  For those who don't know, expressed powers are those specifically stated in the constitution, given to the government, whereas expressed powers are those which you may have to dig a little deeper for; to read between the lines and really seek what is needed.

I think this same value of implied powers goes for wedding vows, as well.  Even if we write our own vows, there's no way we can fit in all the promises we want to make to our spouse.  If we tried, we'd have a ceremony that's entirely too long, and then no one could get to the buffet/dance floor/open bar.  So we compress.  We take what's most valued and put them in.  We snip and cut and shorten until it's as we like it, saying only what is necessary.  But is that all we promise to our loved one?  Not by a long shot. 

So really, vows are thought of daily.  Revised daily.  Renewed daily.  At the very least, they should be.

And I vow to do just that.

Hon, I think we've got 'em beat!


(Sorry, the cookies were just too gross.  I ended up throwing them away!  Whole wheat flour is not meant for most sweets.)


You'll discover that real love is millions of miles past falling in love with anyone or anything. When you make that one effort to feel compassion instead of blame or self-blame, the heart opens again and continues opening.
-Sara Paddison

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Blue and pink and babies, oh my!



Let me start this post by saying that for the most part, I am genuinely, truly happy for my friends who are pregnant.  Really.  And that's all I want to be.  Also, to those pregnant friends/family who read this, I apologize for what I am about to say.

WHAT IN THE HELL, Y'ALL. 


Seriously?  Did all 13 of you have to go get yourselves pregnant?  Now?  (and no, I only wish I was exaggerating on that number)

Again:  I am genuinely happy- especially for those that had been trying and trying, that you finally get your little miracle.  And I don't want it this to sound petty, or selfish, because I know I have the girl already and I know that's a blessing, but, um...

When's it my turn?  P and I have been trying for a while now... and yeah, I must say, practice is fun... but not getting any second pink line EVERY MONTH? Notsofun.  And please don't tell me "it will happen when it's supposed to" or "in God's time" or any of that... because at this point, honestly, all that does is make me angry beyond belief.

It's not that I won't want to snuggle and kiss and love on each and every one of those babies when they get here, but... my family isn't complete.  Not yet.  And it's hard, seeing a new pregnancy pop up about once a week.

Not to mention, those baby projects are starting to stack up on my sewing table...

and none of them for me.


Life is a flame that is always burning itself out, but it catches fire again every time a child is born. ~ George Bernard Shaw

Monday, August 9, 2010

The Art of Silence

I adore my inlaws.  My husband's parents are wonderful, stepparents are pretty great too.  He was raised by his Daddy and his grandparents, Nanny and Pop.  When we come visit, we stay with them.  It has the potential to be so full of awesome. 

Nanny and Pop have another son, too.  One who, at the age of 55, still lives a home.  With his wife.  And their two cats.

Without paying a dime.

...**crickets**

I know.  I know, y'all.  It's like... who does that?  I know my religion says every life is precious... but P's favorite thing to say is that they are the biggest waste of oxygen.  I so hope that my readers don't have people like that in their lives, but I know they're all around... it's just so draining. 

But what do you do?  It's one of my biggest struggles and biggest lessons in what it means to be a wife, to have tat extended family... As much as I love Nanny and Pop, it's just not my place to say anything.  Right?  Or, is it?  Do you speak up when you care for someone's welfare and when you know they're being walked all over? 

My temper is that of (insert animal of choice here) (I just asked P what he's say my temper is 'that of'... he shook his head and said "I wouldn't."  Smart man.)  I will stew and pout if I'm mistreated... but mess with a friend or family member and I will BLOW A FUSE, y'all.  Seriously.  It's a little intimidating, even to myself.

So when I see things happen in that house that just... they just aren't right.  When they smoke inside (daily).  When they run a car into the ground and decide it's their right to just start using Nanny's.   When they pretend like they're there to help out... it makes me a little crazy on the inside.  And my tongue starts to hurt from biting it so hard.

You see, Nanny doesn't want to upset Pop.  And neither does P.  So we're told to just let it be, that they're family and we're supposed to treat them with kindness no matter what...  that they'd beall alone if they were told to leave.

**more crickets** 

Yeah.  My mind is SCREAMING "EXCUSE ME?? They've had their WHOLE LIVES to get it together, stand on their own two feet, and make something of themselves.  But they can't keep a job, they enjoy shopping off of infomercials entirely too much, and think the world owes them a favor?"

But my mouth, it stays quiet.  Because we've talked about this, P and I.  About respect for our elders, respecting the wishes of the ones we love... and of just grabbing onto each others hands in those moments and digging our fingernails in so we know to just shuttheheckup.  I guess that's a part of love.


Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts.  ~Author Unknown

Sunday, August 8, 2010

There's a reason for the lack of posting...

Meet "Ms. Marvel".  Yes, like the Avengers superheroine.

Well, a few, actually.

P and I have bee a single-car family ever since we met.  I had a scooter at first, and then he had a motorcycle at one point, but we have never had more than 1 car.  And let's face it.  Scooters and motorcycles aren't very family friendly or compatible with bad weather.  We always knew we'd need a second car, and then after selling both 2-wheelers, it became necessity.

But you see, we want to be debt-free.  And P got laid off, leaving us with very little income for close to a year.  So what we DID make, went towards survival and a little debt removal.  There was no room to think about a new car anytime soon as our current one, while not perfect for our family, was still pretty reliable.

So when I got a text from my MIL asking if we wanted help in getting a retired government car, I thought about, oh, TWO SECONDS before saying yes, please?  And then when the opportunity arose to actually get TWO of those cars... well, we said 'see ya Friday!' and hopped on a plane.

All that to say, I've been traveling.

And also, I've mentioned i'm a student, right?  Yeah, well, I just finished up 9 hours of summer classes with a toddler in tow, so I'm sorry, blog friends, but I had to leave you in the dust for a few days.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.  At least until something else happens, right?


A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.  ~Peter De Vries

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The day the world started over



It was just shy of 6 months after our wedding. I was home sick.  P had just bought a motorcycle.

**crickets**

Say what now?

We needed a second form of transportation, and a motorcycle was the cheapest and most efficient form at that point.  He brought it home this day.  Little did we know I would only go on one ride with him!

So, I'm home sick.  Something just doesn't feel right.  And (plug your ears boys)  I hadn't had a period in about 6 weeks.  I really didn't think I was pregnant, though.  After all, I had just gotten off of birth control.  Every test had come up negative (and I had taken a lot.)  I asked P to come home a bit early so misery could have some company.

As per usual, he called when he left work, asking if I needed him to get anything.  I wanted another pregnancy test, but then I realized I still had one at the house.  I voiced all of this, of course.  We hung up, and I headed to the bathroom.  I was truly expecting to have just flushed another $7 down the drain.  I was not expecting a second pink line.  But almost immediately, there it was. Bright, bold, and beautifully pink.  My drea of being a mommy was going to come true!

I had to tell everybody right away.  I had to tell P first. Shaking, I called him- and asked him to pick up more pregnancy tests.  He got that voice- that scared, terrified, man voice- and said "What did it say?"

I said, "I'm pregnant!!" (Note: he was driving at the time.  On the freeway.  Probably not the best time to tell a man he's going to be a daddy for the first time.)

This marked a huge change in our relationship.  We went from talking about the future to living it.  We wanted to do so much before the baby came.  We wanted to travel.  We wanted to have money saved, have our own house, have more time just us.  We had to cram as much as we could into 10 short months.

Our marriage changed forever.

Monday, July 26, 2010

D-Day.

I promise this blog isn't a chronicle of our 'love story'. I just feel everyone deserves a little background, then maybe you can understand a bit more of what I'm talking about later on down the road, right?

So, D-Day. The day when we said goodbye to being single.  And took on a whole mess of responsibilities to each other.  It was pretty awesome.  I married my soulmate, after all. We had a small ceremony in a little park across the street from our house:
See? Houses!
And then the reception IN our tiny house, on a June Texas day with a broken A/C:
Nothing mattered then except WE WERE MARRIED!

I had a blast.

Now, I got a comment on Facebook earlier this week about 'real weddings'.  And I want to say, the wedding isn't the part that matters.  As a girl, I love them (as stated previously).  I loved my wedding, but I don't even feel like it was what I expected, or wanted originally, or whatever.  To me, it wasn't a 'real wedding'. (We didn't get to dance much at all!)  I think most women have this picture in our heads of how we want our wedding to go, of all the frills, decorations, what the dress should look like... and it wasn't that.  I still loved it.   loved him, and I kept telling myself the rest did not matter one bit.  Guess what?  It didn't!

All that to say, I look back on that day and think how insignificant it's been in the grand scheme of it all.  And it's only been 3 years!  Can you imagine how I'll feel in 10? 20?  There has been SO MUCH MORE that has taken up the forefront of our thoughts.  We talk about doing it up 'right' for our 5 or 10 year anniversary... and we might.  But then I think, we're so glad that we didn't blow all our money on all the fuss... It was relatively low-stress... why would we want to do that now?  With a kid? and jobs? and school?

Just send me on a cruise.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Weddings. Or, what it means to be a girl.

I love weddings.  like, really.  I luuuuurv weddings.  I get disappointed when I can't make it to any one of my friends' wedding, because they're just so beautiful and sentimental and... gosh, I'm getting teary eyed just thinking of it.  Plus, I usually get to dance like a fool.  Yeah I'm that lady, out on the floor shaking my groove thang and throwing my arms in the air for YMCA.

Seriously, y'all.  My love for weddings is intense.

So when P asked me to attend a wedding with him occurring just a week and a half after becoming an item, I didn't think twice about it.  I jumped at the chance, actually.  I was a +1!  To a wedding!  It didn't matter that I hardly knew the bride and groom, much less my date, I was gonna be a WITNESS OF LOVE.

P's roommate saw trouble.  And said so.  Loudly.
"You know she's going to want to get married now, right?" I laughed.  Because really, gals, it's true, right?  We see a wedding, we get all mushy, we want the same.  Hell, I get jealous now of people getting engaged and married... it makes me want to go through it all over again (the horror!).  Of course, I didn't admit as much then.  I didn't want to scare him away.

So anyway, fast forward.  We're in the car with the roomie and headed out to the middle of nowhere for this wedding, when we realize how hungry we are.  Sure, there will be food at the wedding, but who knows when that will be?  So we all decide to pull over and grab a bite.  We need gas, too.

So we find a Taco Bell.  And P's love for Taco Bell goes beyond understanding.  He sees the sign and gets hungry, no matter if he ate 5 minutes ago or not.  It's quite disgusting.  So we order his $15 worth of food (damn fast food is expensive these days!) and the roommate and I get ours.  And you know how at Taco Bell, they have those hot sauce packets?  With the sometimes funny, sometimes baffling little sayings on them?

Yeah, this is what I got...

*not original packet.  I thought we had it in our memory box, but it appears to have gone missing.  I bet he stole it for its deliciousness.


I mean, talk about destiny.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Dating, or lack thereof

Thanksgiving 2006, or The Night We Became an Item
As I've mentioned previously, we got married pretty quickly.  Okay, insanely quickly.  Sometimes we look at each other and say, "Did we really do that?"  Oh yes, m'dear, we sure did.

When we met, we didn't intend to even really be exclusive.  We were just looking for... well, honesty, for one.  For someone we could get used to dating again with.  We met on October 30th, 2006.  The night before Halloween, the night after his 25th birthday.

Now, I want y'all to look at the picture above.  Go on now, I'm waiting... You see that caption?  The one that says Thanksgiving?  Yeah, we threw all that non-exclusive, dipping our toes back in the water nonsense right out the window.  The car window, that is.  Going about, oh, I don't know, 50 mph.

It all happened so fast.  He was such a gentleman (or so I thought!)  and really made me laugh.  He cared deeply about his family and friends.  He was a hard worker, and, damn... did I EVER find him sexy hot attractive.  OK, so maybe I thought all of those things.

He took me to meet his friends.  All at once.  Not just friends, either... people he had gone to high school, then college with, and then subsequently transported all of them out to where we live now with him.  He made me let him buy things.  Ate every meal I cooked for him (**swoon**).

He didn't make a move, at all.  I held his hand.  I kissed him.  I was the forward-momentum.  Yet we both felt it.  That spark, I mean.  You know the one. Where you're not sure exactly what it is, but it's something, and by golly it's something special.  Over the course of 5 weeks, we fell in love and realized that it didn't matter how or when, we were going to be together for the rest of our lives.

We didn't say it, not at first.  We each refused to be the first one to say those three words.  We'd look at each other and grin up a storm, though.  We got to the point where we had this... this nod.  We knew what it meant.  It was an understanding, that we got the feeling.  That it was mutual.  But still, we played chicken with the vocabulary.  It was awesome.

I don't remember who said it first, or when.  Which, in a way, saddens me.  It hasn't even been 4 years since we've met and I can't remember that? Maybe he can remind me.  I remember the sheer joy of it, though. I mean, yeah, we had the nod.  I knew that much.  But nothing compares to the words, the publicizing of those emotions, right?  So, we were in love.

love-a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person

About the video blog...

Yeah, so, I wanted to do this as a video blog.  Originally. But then I realized, who the hell has time for that stuff?  To schedule 10 minutes or so, 2 nights a week, on a steady basis, just to put my thoughts out there to the world?    Not me.  No siree bob.

You see, I'm a mom.  And a wife. And a full time student. And I get grumpy if I don't have my sleep.  Did I mention I'm a mom?  My (almostbutnotquiteyetandmyhusbandrefusestoadmititsthisclose) 2 year old takes away quite a bit of that.  Not to mention the school thing.  Yeah, I pull all nighters sometimes.  They suck.

And then there's the wife thing.   As if it's not bad enough that I'm barely able to move when I crawl into bed at night, I'm supposed to do WHATNOW?  That headache excuse really doesn't work for me...

So anywhoo.  What was I rambling about?  Oh yes, a video. Now, I may still do a video blog occasionally, as an accessory to this here FINE LITERATURE.  Y'know, when I feel pretty and all.

But otherwise, I'm sorry, you're just gonna have to deal with this. But, hey, show a gal some love and follow me!

Friday, July 23, 2010

The Meaning of Wife

This is me and my husband on our wedding day- June 30, 2007.  We got hitched 8 months TO THE DAY after we met, and boy, has it been one wild ride.
He likes to say he got me off Craigslist.  I hate the way he says it, it sounds terrible, but it's true.  We met online.  Through a personals ad.  And honestly?  I did NOT see him coming.  I thought, ok, I'll dip my toes in, start dating again, have some fun.  Then I met him.  I think, even from that first night, I was done for.

He, on the other hand?  Not so much.  It took him a little longer (though still not long at all) to realize what we had.  That we were going to be a forever kind of thing.  About 5 weeks later, however, he took a dive and asked me to become his wife.  We're here, so obviously I said yes...
At any rate, it's been three years now.  I know, that's not a super long time, but that's why I feel the need to write.  Because we've got a long way to go, sure, but in 3 years, we've been through one hell of a lot.  Considering we didn't know each other all that well when we got married, this may as well be an arranged marriage, at least in how hard we have to work at it.  We've learned a lot.  We're learning every day.

And I'm discovering just what it means to really truly, be a wife.


wifea woman joined in marriage to a man; a woman considered inrelation to her 
husbandspouse.
 
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