Friday, September 17, 2010

Well, I'm admitting it.

I'm starting the infertility process. 

P and I have wanted another baby for so long... I cringe to think of the emotions we've been through. But now, I'm finally taking steps to make it happen.

I had my first doctor's appointment this week.  I'm now supposed to get bloodwork done and have an ultrasound, then we we will probably get P tested.  I'm a little afraid of all this- of what we'll find, of the financial toll it will take on our family, of the entire process. But I want another baby.

Sometimes we find ourselves asking if this is really what we want.  If we want another, if we don't want to just go ahead and pursue adoption.  And sometimes, our answer is that we're unsure.  But I think it's because we're afraid of what's ahead.

The funny thing is, I always knew I'd have trouble getting pregnant.  And yet the girl was so easy.  It was like, no more birth control, and BAM! I was with child.  I've been told it's because birth control can force ovulation- and at first glance, that appears to be the issue, that I'm not ovulating.  So we're going to see what we can do about that.  

So now, I'm looking for advice. I know some of you have been through this.  How do you keep the faith strong?  How do you keep from tiring of it?  I don't know how far we'll have to go... I know if it comes down to IVF, we will choose to adopt instead.  I don't know, though, if it will simply take some progesterone, or Clomid, or something more intensive...

All I know is that I'm not looking forward to it.

1 comment:

Alissa said...

Well, I think you know how I feel about the subject, but I will still say a few things here. We did the testing. Bloodwork and sonos for me and sperm count for J. [That was interesting. We had to get it to the lab w/in 30 min. Timing was awkward! :)] Then I went on clomid. Clomid and/or those injections would have been the farthest we would go to get pregnant. Luckily, that's all it took...4 rounds of Clomid, but who's counting. I didn't really want to be too invasive in the process or too controlling of my body. I wasn't ovulating and the Clomid started that, so in my mind, it's all still pretty 'natural.' All I can think to say about 'keeping the faith' is don't let it get too important in your daily life. It will always be in the back of your mind. I had it there for 3 years! But, if it becomes the subject of every conversation, every blog post, every everything...you will not be able to handle the stress and therefore it can derail your plans. Stress is not good for pregnancy seeking couples. I don't have a great example of HOW to get it out of your mind. I just kept everything on my calendar. When to have sex, when not to, when to take my pills, when I started my cycle, etc. I only looked at the calendar at the end of the day, to just check on things. That way I knew what I need to do the next day. Keep your brain simple. I don't know...I love you, girl, you know it. I pray for you constantly and know that God will do what is best for you. But don't stop asking for the stars! You just might get them!

 
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