Thursday, October 14, 2010

"Safe" blogging

There are lots of topics on my mind about wifehood.  However, not all of them are appropriate for daily conversations.  You know, the more... intimate subjects.

Not that I want to go into gory detail with you, readers, oh no.  But can I talk about them?  Can I talk, for example, about... other obligations to my husband?  You know, the ones outside of 'to honor and cherish'...
And the ones inside the privacy of our home.

Not that I feel any woman is obligated to do things of this nature for anyone... let me make that clear.  If it's unwanted by either party, of course, then that's that.  But I like to keep my guy happy.

But how much is too much, blog world?  I know my mom may read this, and other 'family'... but I want to be open and honest.  If I'm writing about what it means to be a wife, what aspects do I leave out? What aspects shall I be certain to include? 

How 'safe' should my blog be, readers?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Grey's Anatomy: A Shock(ing Revelation)

OK Y'all, I'm a huge, HUGE fan of Grey's Anatomy.  Seriously.  I hate when I have to miss an episode.  Thank God for Hulu, amiright?

Those of you who watch it know that Mark Sloan, while gorgeous... well, he isn't exactly what I'd call 'bright' or 'all there' in the relationships department.  But a couple weeks ago, he really got to me.  I think he's changing, you guys.  I call first dibs.

In all seriousness, though, he said something that really made me think, "These Hollywood writers get what marriage is supposed to be!!"  Because usually, I don't get that.  I see sex and cheating and fights and back and forth and... well, you get the point.

But on this day, Mark had realized how much he loved Lexi (or "Little") Gray.  They've been through some tough times, y'all, and she went crazy after a murderous shooter killed several staff members and threatened her life.  But Sloan, you see, all he wants is to be with her, think and thin.  He says:
"I know who she is.  And if she's going through her worst right now, I want to go through it with her.  She makes me happier than... anything I've ever known.  And if I can have a part in making her happy again, that's all I want to do.  That's all I want to do for the rest of my life."

This reminds me of what my last couple years have been like.  You see, I suffered from some NASTY post partum depression.  In many ways, I'm still suffering from it.  I'll write more about that later this week and into next.

But my sweet, strong husband carried me through it.  He could have bailed... he could have left me to dig my way out of it.  But he said he wouldn't, and he didn't.  He was there through all the different medications I had to try, he was there when I couldn't crawl out of bed.  He came home early on days I needed him (which was every day...), and ultimately lost his job because he put his family first.

I'll never, ever, be able to thank him enough or repay him for all those things.

And I think to myself, I wonder, if I would do those things.  Would I sacrifice to carry him?  Would I hold his hand when he cried, put all of my needs aside for however long it took for him to get 'back to normal'?  And even beyond, if he never went back?

I sure hope so.  Because isn't that what being a spouse is all about?

Monday, October 11, 2010

The white board (or, how to lower my stress levels!)

I was going to title this post White Power.  Then I realized how bad that would sound!

At any rate, this is my white board:

This is where we lay out our plan for happiness, essentially.  We get to set up our daily chore list... or, rather, what we need done in order to feel content and {relatively} stress free. As we get those things done, we get to check them off.  And how satisfying is that?!?  We also have a weekly and monthly to-do.  Things like  mopping, taking the garbage to the curb, and heartworm preventative.  On the bottom is a calendar portion- important appointments, parties, and other essential dates.  Right now, it's reminding us of our 'anniversary' (we met 4 yeas ago on the 30th!) and some Halloween parties we have coming up.  On the right side is our grocery list- if we think of something we need that isn't on our usual list, we jot it down.  And of course, a space for sweet notes to each other.

We went a long time without our white board in place.  And believe me, it showed.  Our house was pretty much a disaster 24/7, I was embarrassed to have people over without spending hours cleaning, and we were so stressed and overwhelmed all. the. time.  It was really beginning to take its toll.

So, I made a decision to get it back up.  It's not exactly laid out like our original was, but it's pretty close.  And it's all erasable, of course, so we can change things up as needed.  It's in an easily visible (for us! However, a typical guest would not see it!) spot, and reminds us daily of what needs to be done!

And the difference it's made in our lives- well... it's pretty visible:

What about you guys?  What's your preferred methodical madness to keeping your house in order?

Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy.  ~Author Unknown

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

A Loooong time.

I am so sorry, blog world.  It has been too long. I've missed you.

However, today is not the day I'll be writing extensively for you.  I just wanted to leave a quick note to let you know that I'm still around, still plan on writing, and I'll be here with some birthday updates, pictures, and more fun later this week, possibly tomorrow!

And maybe this will help keep me on a better writing schedule:

See ya soon!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Well, I'm admitting it.

I'm starting the infertility process. 

P and I have wanted another baby for so long... I cringe to think of the emotions we've been through. But now, I'm finally taking steps to make it happen.

I had my first doctor's appointment this week.  I'm now supposed to get bloodwork done and have an ultrasound, then we we will probably get P tested.  I'm a little afraid of all this- of what we'll find, of the financial toll it will take on our family, of the entire process. But I want another baby.

Sometimes we find ourselves asking if this is really what we want.  If we want another, if we don't want to just go ahead and pursue adoption.  And sometimes, our answer is that we're unsure.  But I think it's because we're afraid of what's ahead.

The funny thing is, I always knew I'd have trouble getting pregnant.  And yet the girl was so easy.  It was like, no more birth control, and BAM! I was with child.  I've been told it's because birth control can force ovulation- and at first glance, that appears to be the issue, that I'm not ovulating.  So we're going to see what we can do about that.  

So now, I'm looking for advice. I know some of you have been through this.  How do you keep the faith strong?  How do you keep from tiring of it?  I don't know how far we'll have to go... I know if it comes down to IVF, we will choose to adopt instead.  I don't know, though, if it will simply take some progesterone, or Clomid, or something more intensive...

All I know is that I'm not looking forward to it.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Love Dare

I'm starting a new venture.
This is a wife blog, after all. And what does it mean to be a wife, if not striving to better your marriage?

I've {partially} done the Love Dare before.  That is to say, I've started it.  It's a wonderful, wonderful thing.
I'm not quite sure why I haven't finished it.  Probably because, like most things, I tend to forget what's important and don't make time for it. For reading it, studying the Word of it, implementing it.

Well, blog world, you're going to be my accountability partner.  I know that technically, since he reads this, I shouldn't be posting about it.  I should just do this and see how if affects our marriage.  But I want to write about it and share it with you lovely people.

So that's what I'm going to do.  From here on out, there will, at the very least, be a weekly post on how The Love Dare is affecting our lives and our marriage.  An insider's persepective!
If you are interested in following along, you can always search for The Love Dare, or click the button on the side of my blog to be taken to all posts appropriately tagged. 

And if you're just completely out of the loop and have never heard of this, well...
Essentially, it is a 40-day practice into learning about giving (and receiving!) unconditional love. 

Something I think we could all use a little help with.

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy.

Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;

It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered.

It keeps no record of wrongdoing.

It does not delight in evil,

But rejoices in the truth.

It always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves.

There is nothing love cannot face;

There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance.

In a word, there are three things that last forever:

Faith, hope, and love;

But the greatest of them all is love.

-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Confessions, or secrets?

P and I have share something pretty special.  That something is communication.  I mean, open, honest communication (usually, at least!)  And by this, I mean, if we are upset by something, if we have something to say, we say it.

So when I see things like this, it breaks my heart. 

Now, some of these are adorable.  And I hope, hope, hope that they share these things with their husbands:

"Sometimes I am struck dumb by the fact that I got a fantastic mother-in-law as well as the amazing son she raised."
"for the husband of my heart; my one and only fish, my Boyo, whom I live with now: I love you so much. You are my friend, lover and soul mate; I feel safe (and very hot!) with you. I know you'll always be there for me. (This sounds so cliched) You have healed so much in my life. I am forever grateful. "

And then there are... others.  Others that simply astound me.  I am appalled by the fact that these women , rather than speaking with their husbands about their feelings, chose to let the entire world know via an anonymous email about shortcomings in their marriage.  About their angers and fears.

This, this right here, is why so many marriages fail.  People say it's money.  People say it's growing apart.  But really, that's not it at all.  Because both of those things fail to be an issue if there is effort in communication.  When two people make a choice to be lovingly open with each other, to share what is on their heart and mind, and to not be judgemental when their partner does the same, the results are life-changing.

I know many of you know what I am talking about.  Maybe you're of the group that has wonderful communication.  Maybe you've been in the place of the women who can't talk to their partners, or whose partners won't talk to them.  But that can change.

You see, we're not always open.  We don't go to each other right away with everything.  Fear keeps us from it.  But we've started down that slippery slope before, and it's not a good one.  The thing with going downhill quickly is you can see what's approaching.  Terrifying, right?

Relationships have brakes, folks.  They have a 'reverse', a 'steering wheel' (like all my driving metaphors? hah!) and you can get yourselves out of that rut- but not without effort.  You may have to give it a little push.

P and I like to have what we call 'pow-wows'.  They don't happen as often as we'd like, because life gets quite busy and sometimes things heat up before we get a chance to schedule one in- but this is where we carve time to have a 'how are we, what's bothering us' discussion.  We both go into it completely calm, with the goal being to talk about anything we've felt the urge to but have not, for one reason or another.  We try to be completely open, nonjudgmental, and gentle with each other. 

Well, we should be this anytime we talk about potentially dangerous issues, right?

Wrong. Oh so wrong.

I mean, sure, maybe we should.  But that is just not a realistic expectation, especially for us.  Our personalities and expectations are just too drastically different.  But guess what?  We make a choice to love each other, and because of that choice, a bit more effort has to be made.  So we make that effort.

We plan, we talk, we argue, we plan for better ways to handle future arguments (hah!), and even if they don't work out perfectly, the effort put in by both parties is visible.

So why, I wonder, do marriages lose communication?  What does one go through when they (either actively or passively) make a decision to shield their partners from any particular thing?  How can it get better?

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