Tuesday, September 28, 2010

A Loooong time.

I am so sorry, blog world.  It has been too long. I've missed you.

However, today is not the day I'll be writing extensively for you.  I just wanted to leave a quick note to let you know that I'm still around, still plan on writing, and I'll be here with some birthday updates, pictures, and more fun later this week, possibly tomorrow!

And maybe this will help keep me on a better writing schedule:
http://www.livinglocurto.com/2010/03/free-printable-weekly-blog-calendar/

See ya soon!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Well, I'm admitting it.

I'm starting the infertility process. 

P and I have wanted another baby for so long... I cringe to think of the emotions we've been through. But now, I'm finally taking steps to make it happen.

I had my first doctor's appointment this week.  I'm now supposed to get bloodwork done and have an ultrasound, then we we will probably get P tested.  I'm a little afraid of all this- of what we'll find, of the financial toll it will take on our family, of the entire process. But I want another baby.

Sometimes we find ourselves asking if this is really what we want.  If we want another, if we don't want to just go ahead and pursue adoption.  And sometimes, our answer is that we're unsure.  But I think it's because we're afraid of what's ahead.

The funny thing is, I always knew I'd have trouble getting pregnant.  And yet the girl was so easy.  It was like, no more birth control, and BAM! I was with child.  I've been told it's because birth control can force ovulation- and at first glance, that appears to be the issue, that I'm not ovulating.  So we're going to see what we can do about that.  

So now, I'm looking for advice. I know some of you have been through this.  How do you keep the faith strong?  How do you keep from tiring of it?  I don't know how far we'll have to go... I know if it comes down to IVF, we will choose to adopt instead.  I don't know, though, if it will simply take some progesterone, or Clomid, or something more intensive...

All I know is that I'm not looking forward to it.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Love Dare


I'm starting a new venture.
This is a wife blog, after all. And what does it mean to be a wife, if not striving to better your marriage?

I've {partially} done the Love Dare before.  That is to say, I've started it.  It's a wonderful, wonderful thing.
I'm not quite sure why I haven't finished it.  Probably because, like most things, I tend to forget what's important and don't make time for it. For reading it, studying the Word of it, implementing it.

Well, blog world, you're going to be my accountability partner.  I know that technically, since he reads this, I shouldn't be posting about it.  I should just do this and see how if affects our marriage.  But I want to write about it and share it with you lovely people.

So that's what I'm going to do.  From here on out, there will, at the very least, be a weekly post on how The Love Dare is affecting our lives and our marriage.  An insider's persepective!
If you are interested in following along, you can always search for The Love Dare, or click the button on the side of my blog to be taken to all posts appropriately tagged. 

And if you're just completely out of the loop and have never heard of this, well...
Essentially, it is a 40-day practice into learning about giving (and receiving!) unconditional love. 

Something I think we could all use a little help with.

Love is patient, love is kind.



It does not envy.


Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;


It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered.


It keeps no record of wrongdoing.


It does not delight in evil,


But rejoices in the truth.


It always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves.


There is nothing love cannot face;


There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance.


In a word, there are three things that last forever:


Faith, hope, and love;


But the greatest of them all is love.


-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Confessions, or secrets?



P and I have share something pretty special.  That something is communication.  I mean, open, honest communication (usually, at least!)  And by this, I mean, if we are upset by something, if we have something to say, we say it.

So when I see things like this, it breaks my heart. 

Now, some of these are adorable.  And I hope, hope, hope that they share these things with their husbands:

"Sometimes I am struck dumb by the fact that I got a fantastic mother-in-law as well as the amazing son she raised."
"for the husband of my heart; my one and only fish, my Boyo, whom I live with now: I love you so much. You are my friend, lover and soul mate; I feel safe (and very hot!) with you. I know you'll always be there for me. (This sounds so cliched) You have healed so much in my life. I am forever grateful. "

And then there are... others.  Others that simply astound me.  I am appalled by the fact that these women , rather than speaking with their husbands about their feelings, chose to let the entire world know via an anonymous email about shortcomings in their marriage.  About their angers and fears.

This, this right here, is why so many marriages fail.  People say it's money.  People say it's growing apart.  But really, that's not it at all.  Because both of those things fail to be an issue if there is effort in communication.  When two people make a choice to be lovingly open with each other, to share what is on their heart and mind, and to not be judgemental when their partner does the same, the results are life-changing.

I know many of you know what I am talking about.  Maybe you're of the group that has wonderful communication.  Maybe you've been in the place of the women who can't talk to their partners, or whose partners won't talk to them.  But that can change.

You see, we're not always open.  We don't go to each other right away with everything.  Fear keeps us from it.  But we've started down that slippery slope before, and it's not a good one.  The thing with going downhill quickly is you can see what's approaching.  Terrifying, right?

Relationships have brakes, folks.  They have a 'reverse', a 'steering wheel' (like all my driving metaphors? hah!) and you can get yourselves out of that rut- but not without effort.  You may have to give it a little push.

P and I like to have what we call 'pow-wows'.  They don't happen as often as we'd like, because life gets quite busy and sometimes things heat up before we get a chance to schedule one in- but this is where we carve time to have a 'how are we, what's bothering us' discussion.  We both go into it completely calm, with the goal being to talk about anything we've felt the urge to but have not, for one reason or another.  We try to be completely open, nonjudgmental, and gentle with each other. 

Well, we should be this anytime we talk about potentially dangerous issues, right?

Wrong. Oh so wrong.

I mean, sure, maybe we should.  But that is just not a realistic expectation, especially for us.  Our personalities and expectations are just too drastically different.  But guess what?  We make a choice to love each other, and because of that choice, a bit more effort has to be made.  So we make that effort.

We plan, we talk, we argue, we plan for better ways to handle future arguments (hah!), and even if they don't work out perfectly, the effort put in by both parties is visible.

So why, I wonder, do marriages lose communication?  What does one go through when they (either actively or passively) make a decision to shield their partners from any particular thing?  How can it get better?


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

So many things...

**Update** All is well.  Blood count is normal, lungs still sound clear, etc. etc.  So at this point, it seems to be something that maybe played piggyback to the stuff from last week.  Thank goodness she's OK.

Well, yet again, I've failed to blog.  I'm sorry, folks. 

Believe me, it's not that I don't want to.  But this pesky little life keeps getting in the way of things.

Last week, my daughter got sick.  We thought it was Croup, so we did the steamy bathroom thing, lots of fluid and rest.  Well, by Thursday, the cough was very wet sounding, so we decided to take her to the doctor.  We get her in there, and while her lungs sound clear, it appears she has another ear infection of some sort.  The ear drum itself looked great, but there was some sort of pus in there that, I suppose, appeared painful.  So we got some ear drops and antibiotics and were on our way.

Again, that was Thursday.  Sunday afternoon, after 3 doses of antibiotics, her fever spiked.  She had not had a fever until then.  Yet all of a sudden, she was on fire.  Like, 103.3 on fire.  Me being a little paranoid (and a hypochondriac myself) took her immediately to the emergency room, since the doctor was off duty and I was not about to risk anything.  By the time we got to the ER, all of 10 minutes later, her fever had gone to 103.8.  I was a little scared.

I've come to the conclusion that I hate emergency rooms.  Granted, this one was better than others- they let us call the shots on what was done to our daughter, but... we got no answers other than the good news that no pneumonia was present and there was no UTI- but a 'we think it's viral' and 'give her tylenol and motrin to help the fever'. 

Now, my daughter's been sick for over a week.  She's still feeling miserable, it's getting worse even, and I'm freaking out a little.  They said perhaps it was fifth disease... which can take a while to clear, I suppose.  At any rate, her pediatrician is bringing her in this morning for a blood draw.

All this to say, I've been busy with a sick little girl.  And I'm sorry, blog world, but that takes precedence over any posting that may or may not occur.

Also, please pray everything turns out ok.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Laundry lists

Do you ever look around at your life on a given day and feel so overwhelmed, you're not quite sure where to start?

That's me today. I guess it's time to get out my post it notes.

This might be what my table looks like today.  It's that bad.
That's right. I waste paper.

But really, if not for post-its, I would go insane.  I get overwhelmed easily . And when I feel overwhelmed, instead of getting everything done as I should I end up not doing anything.  And what kind of wife does that make me?  

"Oh, sorry hubby, you worked all day, but I'm just so done with it all.  You can clean up if you want, though."

...Yeah, no.  So, I go around my house.  I make a list of what needs to be done, all on one sheet.  Then I put each individual task onto a post it. I can then go on to arrange by priority, and stack them up so I only see one item at a time.  When I get done with that item, no matter how small the task is, the satisfaction of ripping off that post-it and throwing it away is...
encouraging.

It's so much easier for me to be productive this way.  And I get to feel really good about my accomplishments.  

Plus my trash can looks pretty! All those COLORS!


What about you?  What are some techniques you use to make things simpler? 


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Daily Dessert

Thinking of starting a new feature, based on this post.

It will feature a link-up, where we can all share what we did for ourselves that day.  Maybe it will encourage more of a balance!

What do you think?  Sound like a good idea?

More on selfishness


"The most difficult lie I have ever contended with is this: life is a story about me."
 Donald Miller (Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality)

I recently re-read this book.  It's one of my favorites.  In it, Miller writes about his realizations of what it is to be faithful (in his eyes) and Christ-like.  Now, I don't want this to turn into a blog about faith.  But, in my mind, being a good wife means being a Godly wife, so I take lots of life lessons from a spiritual aspect. 

I wrote about selfishness recently.  How as a wife and mom, you can't be selfish.  But seeing it put into these words was really a wake up call.

How many of us live life for ourselves?  Not intentionally, no, but we don't consider others' emotions or needs when making our decisions.  Despite having a being that is completely dependent on us- despite having a spouse who counts on us for any number of things, we tend to continue to live our lives in selfishness.

It doesn't even have to be in a large way.  I'll give you an example:
In our house, I take care of the grocery shopping.  I find the sales, I make the lists, I go out to all the different stores and get what we need.  But for so long, I wasn't even asking if there was anything P wanted.  Despite the fact that I know how much he loves tomatoes, I wouldn't buy them.  Because me?  I despise them.  He'll just salt one and eat it like an apple.

But why could I not buy them?  Why is it so difficult for me to get 1 small, inexpensive item that doesn't even take me out of my way (since I'm buying tons of produce anyway)?  There is no logical reasoning behind that.  I was being selfish, purely selfish. 

So I started buying them.  Not every time, of course, but I don't buy ANYTHING except milk every time.  But when he opens the door and sees those polished, juicy fruits (yes they're a fruit get it right!) staring him down, the happiness I witness is amazing.  It makes me wonder why I am not so giving all the time.

Why do you think that is?  Why are we naturally inclined to do things only for ourselves, rather than loving others as ourselves?  I'm always saying I want to be thought of... I should think of him, too, right?

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The end of a dream



When I moved to Austin in 2004, it was my dream to attend UT.  I practically bleed orange, my love for that school is so strong.  Everything about it, too.  The campus is amazing.  It's a highly prestigious university.  It's still my favorite place to be in Austin.  Everyone I've met that attends is incredibly smart, well-read, and passionate about what they do or want to do.  They're... driven.

And you have to be, don't you?  To gain acceptance to such an honorable school, to continue on, plugging away towards that ever-so-elusive degree...Now, that's not to say that all who enter leave having accomplished their goals.  It is, however, a HUGE goal to attain.

Lately, however, it's come to my attention that I may never make it to UT.  I haven't done a lot community-wise, although I'd love to.  My GPA isn't good enough; it's a darn good GPA, but not UT-good.  I don't even know that I could handle the pressure of those classes along with my marriage and being a mom.  It's a lot to handle, a lot of expectations.

Today I was speaking with a transfer advisor at the community college I attend.  I must admit I started to tear up when I realized my dream may never be achieved; but then I took a deep breath and got a quick slideshow in my head.  I saw my husband.  My girl.  Our life, and how filled with joy it is.  Do I need a degree from UT?  Or do I just need a degree?

I think we all know the answer to that.  A degree from TX State or St. Edwards is jut as rewarding.  I will have worked long and hard to get my degree from wherever I get it from- and I will have overcome obstacles to get there.  I will cry on that day, the day I walk across the stage to get my diploma, I will cry tears of joy. Of pride. Of knowing that I accomplished something significant.  No matter where it's from.


I'm still going to apply.  And throw my horns up every Saturday.


\m/ HOOK 'EM! \m/
 
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