Vow Renewal Record!

P and I joke that we're going to beat the Guinness Record holders for how many times we renew our vows.  We've done it once already.  Last Valentine's I surprised him with a scavenger hunt and the good people of our church helped out with it ending in a very special ceremony- one in which I got to tell him how much I love him all over again.

I'm wearing a shirt that says "Forever His Bride' over my actual wedding dress- I'm such a sap.

It's no secret that marriage is hard work.  It's a choice EVERY DAY to say "I love you." When we wake every morning, it's a decision to go about our lives honoring our spouse, correct?  Sure, it might become second nature, but it's always a choice.  And in those harder moments, those choices aren't nearly as easy to make.

P and I have had our fair share of issues, but lately we've gone through a lot.  I won't go into detail here because it's not for the world's knowledge.  But suffice to say, those choices have been very difficult to make.  Either one of us could have walked away at any moment.  But did our vows say "Until we're tired of dealing with nonsense," or "Until I'm so mad I can't talk"?  No.  They said, "Until DEATH do us part."  

I think that vows are overdone.  They've become too... traditional.  Think of it this way- we see those same traditional vows done in movies, in books, in other peoples' weddings... that for many of us, we don't think twice about saying them in our own weddings.  It's just part of the ceremony, right?  WRONG!  These words, uttered to your new bride or groom in one of THE most intimate moments of your lives, these are PROMISES, people.  They are meant to be thought of daily.  They're meant to be pored over before a wedding ceremony, because you're supposed to mean them going in.  Not only that, you're supposed to live them.  Daily.  Constantly.

Again, is it easy?  Heck no.  Due to our issues, we've both been going to therapy.  Sorting out things individually, planning for marriage counseling once we understand a bit more about ourselves.  After all, we're young, we got married quickly, we're still learning.  We each had a session today.  

Tonight, at home, we were talking about how they went... and with tears in his eyes, my sweet husband looks to me and says, "I'm sick of all the blame in our marriage.  Sick of it."  (Yes, that last part was emphasized by him... it's been a long time since I've seen that fire in him.)

And I can't say I disagree.  How easy it is to place blame on another, or to feel blamed by another, especially your spouse.  How terribly easy.  But no one appreciates it.  All blame does is destroy.   It isn't something I really acknowledged was happening, however.  I didn't promise to never blame.  It's not like I set out for it each day.  But I should definitely pay attention to when it is likely to happen, and focus not on blame, but on trust and rebuilding.

(sidenote: I know that this post may seem like it's bouncing everywhere, but stick with me through one more point, and I'll give you one of the yucky cookies I made tonight!  )

I just wrapped up my summer semester.  In it, I took both of my required government courses.  Courses in which we learned about the US and Texas Constitutions.  About expressed powers vs. implied powers.  For those who don't know, expressed powers are those specifically stated in the constitution, given to the government, whereas expressed powers are those which you may have to dig a little deeper for; to read between the lines and really seek what is needed.

I think this same value of implied powers goes for wedding vows, as well.  Even if we write our own vows, there's no way we can fit in all the promises we want to make to our spouse.  If we tried, we'd have a ceremony that's entirely too long, and then no one could get to the buffet/dance floor/open bar.  So we compress.  We take what's most valued and put them in.  We snip and cut and shorten until it's as we like it, saying only what is necessary.  But is that all we promise to our loved one?  Not by a long shot. 

So really, vows are thought of daily.  Revised daily.  Renewed daily.  At the very least, they should be.

And I vow to do just that.

Hon, I think we've got 'em beat!

(Sorry, the cookies were just too gross.  I ended up throwing them away!  Whole wheat flour is not meant for most sweets.)

You'll discover that real love is millions of miles past falling in love with anyone or anything. When you make that one effort to feel compassion instead of blame or self-blame, the heart opens again and continues opening.

-Sara Paddison